Monday, March 21, 2011

Errant Thoughts on a Workday

I hate the feeling of not being able to concentrate.  And right now, it seems I'm always bisected.  I can't focus.  There are so many errant thoughts crowding my mind and competing for attention.  I don't want to wallow in these thoughts because I know it can only lead me to depression.

I have always tried to compartmentalize everything in my life.  The more delineated the partitions made, the more organized and secure I feel - and the more impervious to hurt.  Lately, I've loosened these boundaries and it felt good to do so.  Unfortunately, once these dams have been opened, it is hard to keep them shut.  Now my distractions are aggravated by the mingling of emotions.  To make matters worse, my feelings for some persons are slowly getting mixed up, that I don't know what I feel about either.  It could also be that my displaced feeling for one is fueling my affection for another.  I don't know.  I don't trust myself with this.

It's odd though, that now when I'm feeling out of sorts and distracted, my boss compliments me on my put-together attitude.  Talk about seeming cool, calm and collected, when my insides are churning fit to burst with these oft-ignored emotions.

Odd though, that it would take an earthquake to lift my spirits up.  Nothing like a dose of Mother Nature's powers to ignite the fire in one's soul.  

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