Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Silence

"Hello Darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..."


It has been a while since I last had the urge to write, not through a lack of things to talk about, but more... shall we say... through lack of a catalyst. Writing for me is a tricky art and a very fickle mistress that no matter how many thoughts flood my brain at any given moment, if I fail to find that one magic word to start my sentences, then they all come crashing to a halt. Sometimes that one tiny word is the proverbial snowflake on my thoughts that causes the avalanche of paragraphs to cascade through my eager fingers.

It also doesn't help that I am normally afflicted with attention deficit disorder whenever the desire to write gnaws at me. Even now, while I am writing, ideas for an excel template I have long planned to make makes its way to me, as well as the urge to review my previous posts, and to revisit blogs that I have long lost contact with. I think sometimes I need three more of myself just to get through all the things that I want to accomplish. Maybe cloning would work. Or maybe a Naruto-style shadow clone technique would do the trick. Or maybe I'm reading too much manga lately for my own good.

We also lost internet connection for a couple of weeks, and those weeks were trying times. That was the time I realized how dependent I had become of the internet. It was frustrating to be stuck at home, with no means of connection and with my mind reeling of things to do, and things that I ought to do but am not willing to perform just yet. I realized that I had become addicted to the internet as my favorite form of procrastination in the same vein that I was addicted to television some years back. It affords me an excuse to not do something that I should have done in a long time because I am still busy doing "something" even though what I am actually doing is basically... well... nothing.

When the internet was reconnected, though, I had already created a new habit of doing nothing that I wasn't tempted enough to log back into my online connections. It was liberating in a way, but rather quite lonely, to be frank. It's a good thing that I am quite comfortable with my loneliness and the quietude that it brings. It also has a certain power -- the fact that I am capable of logging back in, but chose not to -- a power that, upon reflection, is akin to that feeling of empowerment anorexics feel when they choose to starve themselves: it feels good for a while, but is ultimately detrimental in the long run.

"No man is an island." I know that, and have exulted that mantra to some people in the past in hoping that they would reconnect. It would be quite foolish and hypocritical of me if, after I proclaim that gospel, I myself would come to shun it, and try to establish my own isle of isolation.

Anyway, I am back online, and back to my verbose self once more. And hopefully it would stay this way for quite a spell; it's very unhealthy for thoughts to rot inside one's head.


"...And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains, within the sound of silence."


15 comments:

  1. can i just say, welcome back!

    magpakita ka na muli!

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  2. "it's very unhealthy for thoughts to rot inside one's head."
    --yes yes yo : D
    nice post for the comeback : )
    Apir!

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  3. @ Narnian: Thanks, Narnian, good to be back. And yes, my physical presence will be felt once more in the immediate future. hehe


    @ Ahmer: Thanks, I hope the next post would be at par. Apir!

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  4. How I missed the analysis you do to yourself! Is this a reflective and unabashed way of telling yourself: I've been isolated and it's nice to finally get in touch!
    Glad you're back!!!

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  5. it's funny we feel the same when it comes to writing. the first word is crucial. no matter how good the idea or the inspiration in your head if the first line doesn't feel right, the idea of writing feels quite burdensome.

    welcome back, shatts. i love that song. have you heard brook fraser's version of it?

    i wish i know how to do a shadow cloning technique. hehe!

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  6. @ MT: I'm self-centered as always, and I'm glad you approve. Haha! It's nice being able to write again, actually.


    @ Lucas: True, the initial sentence is crucial. If it feels off, then the whole idea for writing would be rendered askew and forced.

    Good to be back, Lucas. Yeah, Sound of Silence still ranks as one of my all-time favorites, although I haven't heard that version from Brook Fraser. I'll Google it shortly. haha!

    Yeah, being able to perform the Kagebunshin no Justsu would really be sweet! :-)

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  7. Welcome back Shats! And yep, the magic words are 'it has been a while'. I have written a couple of entries that start with those words too. :D

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  8. welcome back to the virtual world. guilty ako sa revelation mong dependence on the internet for connection -- subjective and literal.

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  9. @ Vajarl: Good to be back, Vajarl! Yeah, seems to me that I have also used those lines for some of my other blog posts here, usually after a dry spell. hehe


    @ Floreta: The writing process can be a pain sometimes. At other times, even after you have mentally plotted out the direction of what you will write, it veers unexpectedly to a different direction with surprising results.

    Live like a monk, you say? Seems like an interesting idea! Good luck with that, or better yet, enjoy! :-)


    @ Random Student: I think many of us are guilty of that addiction to the connection the internet affords us.

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  10. I think I know what you mean coz it happens to me a lot.sometimes WORDS DON'T COME EASY. I guess the trick is not to force yourself.....writing is something that you need to enjoy. cheers~~

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  11. wow Josh, you're up again... tagal ko din nagaantay ng new post mo... haha antay ko ung Binondo Food Wok pero silent ka for the past few weeks...

    good thing you're back!

    i have a new blog (chicandcheaps.blogspot.com) na pla na-inspire ako sa inyo kc puro serious blogs nyo ako puro contest lang, haha... pero i'm still updating "recession fun"

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  12. "It's very unhealthy for thoughts to rot inside one's head." Amen to that. Verbosity is therapy. :D

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  13. @ Citybouy: Thanks, Bouy! I'm glad I'm back as well. :-)


    @ Pusang Kalye: I enjoy writing, I do! The problem is, sometimes, there is a disconnect between what my brain is thinking and what my fingers are writing.


    @ Ann: Hehe, matagal nga akong nawala. Sige, in the later weeks, I'll try to write about our Binondo adventure. Parang na-pressure naman ako at tinawag mong serious blog ito. haha! Will try to visit your second home. Cheers!


    @ Victor: True. I may not be very vocal with my words, but I think I make up for it in writing. It's a good feeling being able to write again. :-)

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  14. Same here. It's been a long time since I last wrote. The post I posted in my blog today is a first after several months of procrastination. I think I've been hooked too much on movies I don't have time for writing anymore.

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