For all my intelligence, I am the dumbest person in the world.
I've tried so hard to forget how I feel, I've even vowed to myself to once and for all bury that emotion, but for all my cranial bindings, this stupid heart just won’t give up. It just refuses to give up on you; on us. But unfortunately, there is no "us". There never have been. Even during the time when there was a semblance of that, it was never true, never realized, never admitted.
I was the third party, and I was content at that. At least then, I felt some affection coming from you. It felt that, though you love V-- more, you also love me; and that was enough. You are my secret; and I was yours. And we were blissfully unmindful of the world around us. Let them float in their speculations, but wade in murky ignorance. They will never have the confirmation that they desire.
That was then.
This year, I've felt you drift away. Gradually at first, but then, over time, the gap seemed insurmountable. I did try to patch it, but to no avail.
I waited for you to return. Still I wait.
Last night, I was given license to visit you. A very rare treat, as you always seem to have reasons to quell my advances. Finally, I get to see you. I was hopeful.
I shouldn't’ve hoped; I realize now. The first few minutes of that meet was enough to tell me how you felt. You've dashed my hopes, and set my place. Without saying anything to me, without even addressing me, you've told me much. We are no longer paramours, and there is little doubt that what happened before will never happen again.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice, I should have known. And we were just like that, lightning -- radiant, random, fiery; but ultimately short-lived and unrepeatable.
I know all these. I’ve been telling it to myself all these past months, berating myself for not resigning to that fact and for keeping that flame alive after you’ve left. But I am stupid and stubborn and sincerely in love with you; of the idea of you; the feel of you; the warmth of you; and I don’t think I can stop that. The tiger will not change its stripes just because it is hindered, and my heart won’t either.
Thus I am doomed.
This post is an entry on Monz Avenue's Emo Love T-Shirt Contest.
• Make a post about love, too much love, unrequited love, unconditional love and any kind of love that you could think of.
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