Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Waiting No More

I am the type to suddenly disappear when I no longer enjoy the company, or when I feel I have overstayed my welcome. I'm also the type to burn bridges and never look back. I have done too much of that before, it has become a trait; it has become an art form.

But sometimes, there comes a thing, or a person, that would turn your world inside out, until suddenly, you see yourself changing that basest part of you that you thought was impenetrable and immovable. Suddenly, you are no longer you; you have evolved.

This thing, this event, this person, comes only once in your life, and you see yourself hanging on to dear life; hanging on with teeth and bone in order for it to stay -- to linger -- in your life. For it has become your life, and no amount of sacrifice is too much just for that momentary glimpse, that fleeting touch, that remotest of presence.

And so, the person who used to perform spectacular disappearing acts has been taught permanence. The man who used to flee at the sign of complexities was taught to brave; and suffer; the conflicting emotions associated with staying.

And so I stayed -- and waited -- fueled only by the hope that things will fall into place; that things would be as it was; that the feelings will be returned. Against all signs and information, I waited -- and waited still -- for the return of that one emotion that I was sure was there before.

Still I waited, hoping that my Desert Wanderer, my Immortal, would come back. Even though I know it is futile.

I've waited too long; I'm waiting no longer. But I don't want to burn any more bridges. I'm closing the door, but will keep a window open. I wished for the hope to die in order to sustain the friendship, for I, too, value friends more than any.

Thus, I will no longer pray for Snow. Hence, the Immortal too, shall die...


  1. pota ka shattershards, pinaiiyak mo ako ganito kaaga! kilala ko ba si dessert wanderer mo? i-text mo na lang. ahihihi. :)

  2. Hey Gentle!

    No airing out of dirty laundry in the blogshphere, iyon ang motto ko. Suffice it to say that I'm now slowly returning to lucidity, but it will take time before I'm back to my usual, cynical, sarcastic self.

    Thanks for the comment!

  3. ok, thats good. move on and be friends with that thing, incident or person na malamang si desert wanderer nga. so alisin na lang naten yung incident or thing kasi pinpointed naman nang si desert wanderer yun. ang pakialamero ko.


Can't stand the craziness?



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