The Spinning Vortex of Endless Re-runs: I Hate My Life, Vol 1

I woke up trapped in the past.


My mind is filled with speculatives; spectres of things past, and things that might have been.


If there is a hell, it would look just like this. All your past experiences relived in color. Some in perpetual rewind, some in excruiating slo-mo; all in lurid detail, down to the last microbe. All the while, a chorus of harpies singing your downfall and how utterly stupid your choices and actions were.


Still, you can't help but think "what if...". Then again, that one is also a path to hell, leading you to think what may have happened had you acted differently; what changes would there be had your lips blurted some other thing. What if...


The movie "The Butterfly Effect" comes to mind. The guy, hating (and forgetting most of) his past gets a chance to revisit them, and change it. He wakes up to a different present drastically changed, and more horrible than the one he left. It just tells you that sometimes, whatever happened is the best possible outcome there is. All other options are crap.


But still, my mind is in this limbo of the past, spinning endless re-enactments of my past. It's a downer, I tell you.




published in friendster blog May 2, 2007 at 5:26 pm